True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
