It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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