Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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