respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
