my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
