but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He? As in you personified your dick?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
