Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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