im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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