just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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