Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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