I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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