I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
