Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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