he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
