Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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