my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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