I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
