I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
