Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
