I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
