Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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