Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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