if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
