if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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