Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
