how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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