you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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