I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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