Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Congratulations! We have a period
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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