evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
we made out on top of his cat.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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