I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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