As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
