I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize