i would punch a child for taco bell
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Randomize
