Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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