Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
