then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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