Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
