Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
