My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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