god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
