everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
