Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
