Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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