thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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