I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Randomize
