Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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