I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
