Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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