in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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