At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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