youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
