I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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