She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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