the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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