drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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