Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize