we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
