I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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