one might say we're banned from that church
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
