Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
