I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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