Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
