no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
