Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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