What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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