tell your sister to shave her snatch
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
