jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
