you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
