Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
