Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize