You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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