My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Less talking, more tequila
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize