It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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