and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
