Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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