you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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