How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
