all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
