And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
