This girl is more easily done than said...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
