We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I will be naked everywhere
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
