can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
