this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
40s are totally the cure
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
