I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
