It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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