woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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