I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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