I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
True strength comes from lack of pants
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
