He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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