google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
