And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
