On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
