You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
