But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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